Paris Hilton is not “American royalty”. She is not entitled to be married in Westminster, Windsor Castle or any other royal location in Britain (nor should any American desire to do so). She is not respected, and does not represent America in any way, shape, or form.

She is a spoiled, rude, trashy, skanky, no-class whore with absolutely no talent at anything, unworthy of emulation or admiration, and has no significant traits whatsoever aside from being the (undeserving) heir to the Hilton fortune.

Many Americans, such as myself, are baffled as to why she is considered a celebrity, or why anyone continues to pay any attention to her. We are insulted by her arrogance and ignorance, and really wish she would STFU and go away.

America has a history of disliking monarchs and royalty as a form of government, owing to abuses endured at the hands of British royalty in the 1700’s. While we have no hostility toward Britain now (and indeed view them as friends), the idea of our country adopting a monarchy is antithetical to the founding principles of our way of life. We do not accord any special privilege to people of royal birth, and do not recognize American royalty even informally. American Presidents do not have any special honorific title beyond “Mr. President” and “Sir”.

Thomas Jefferson said, “There is a natural aristocracy among men. The grounds of this are virtue and talents.”

Sincerely,

The Majority of the American Public

Update [Kyle]: Although I initially agreed with Anne’s view (in the comments), after thinking about this a bit more I’ve concluded that there is a sense in which Ms. Hilton is correct. Consider the British royals. What purpose do they serve in British culture? As far as I can tell, their main function is to do idiotic things which get tabloid coverage to entertain the masses. In this sense, and this sense only, Paris Hilton is a kind of American royalty. She acts like an idiot, the tabloids cover her activities, and the masses are entertained. But this kind of “royalty” is not a status that any self-respecting person would want to claim for themselves.

6 Responses to “Paris Hilton: An Open Letter to Non-Americans”
  1. Kyle Haight says:

    Indeed.

    If there’s a distinctively American aristocratic class, it’s the successful entrepreneurial businessman. This was clearer back in the later 1800s and early 1900s (e.g. men like Cornelius Vanderbilt and William Randolph Hearst). These men earned vast fortunes and proceeded to enjoy them by living extremely well. I think T.J. Rodgers of Cypress Semiconductor is a more modern example of a genuine American aristocrat.

    Paris Hilton, suffice it to say, does not qualify.

  2. mns says:

    Well-said. The only thing remotely impressive about Ms. Hilton is her absurd sense of self-entitlement. In a true meritocracy, she would starve to death. Now, *that*, I’d tune in to watch.

  3. Kyle Haight says:

    There used to be a saying, “From shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.” It referred to a recurring phenemenon in American life, in which a man would earn a lot of money by working hard and being clever, and would then leave it to children who lacked his talents. The kids would proceed to lose the family fortune, and *their* kids would be right back to working for a living. One can only hope that Ms. Hilton gets to familiarize herself with this up close and personal.

  4. mns says:

    In which case, it will most likely be televised! Finally, the sweet, poetic justice I was promised as child, delivered!

  5. SuperFreak says:

    Good show Anne! Paris Hilton is nothing more or less than a high class whore. If the American people were well defined by her I would move to Mexico in protest.

    On the topic of American aristocracy I think that it would be made up of, not millionares, but the middleclass joes who work their whole lives but never waver in their beliefs or their patriotism. that, in my opinon, is a man (person) of worth who deserves the title of aristocrat. Many self made millionares, you will note, qualify but definitely not all. Not by a long shot.

  6. bitch says:

    there is such a thing called “jealousy” and you guys have plenty of it. Paris Hilton is hot, admit it.

    You only have one life and anyone can live it however they want ๐Ÿ˜‰ i admire her for being who she is.

    so what if she is a slut? she’s allowed to be. so what if she parties hard? she’s got the right.

    get over urselves you pathetic lifeless wannabees and get a fukin life!

    haha

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