Occasionally I still encounter people who cite Michael Moore as some kind of authority on, well, anything. I always wonder if they’re serious, because it’s pretty obvious that the guy is a total crank.

At the Academy Awards this year he disgraced himself, his profession, the Academy, and the United States in general by acting like a complete asshat. His remarks included the phrase “Any time you’ve got both the pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, you’re not long for the White House”. I think he was actually serious.

Here I offer a tear-down of a letter Moore has posted on his own website dated 3/17/03.

The generally juvenile nature of this letter is quite amazing, as is the fake “working man” image Moore cultivates with his flannel shirt, worn jeans, baseball cap and unwashed hair. He’s made quite a bit of money for himself talking down to the rest of us, if his nice apartment in Upper Manhattan is any indication. He states he doesn’t even own a car, which is probably true since he gets chauffered around in limos all the time.

My comments are in bold italics.


Dear Governor Bush:

So today is what you call “the moment of truth,” the day that “France and the rest of world have to show their cards on the table.” I’m glad to hear that this day has finally arrived. Because, I gotta tell ya, having survived 440 days of your lying and conniving, I wasn’t sure if I could take much more. So I’m glad to hear that today is Truth Day, ’cause I got a few truths I would like to share with you:

You may commence lying…now.

1. There is virtually NO ONE in America (talk radio nutters and Fox News aside) who is gung-ho to go to war.

Probably true, but then, war for war’s sake is not the issue at hand. This is wordplay intended to twist the subject of the debate.

Trust me on this one.

You have no credibility regarding telling the truth, so unfortunately we cannot extend such trust in the absence of evidence. That’s reserved for people who have a good reputation for honesty.

Walk out of the White House and on to any street in America and try to find five people who are PASSIONATE about wanting to kill Iraqis. YOU WON’T FIND THEM! Why?

Because, again, killing Iraqis is not the issue under debate.

‘Cause NO Iraqis have ever come here and killed any of us!

Not relevant, as this conflict is not about revenge or tit-for-tat.

No Iraqi has even threatened to do that.

Then I suppose you have conveniently forgotten all the rhetoric Saddam is famous for spouting, especially back in the 1980’s, about vowing to destroy America. Plus there’s all that awkward rhetoric from the Iraqi ambassador.

You see, this is how we average Americans think: If a certain so-and-so is not perceived as a threat to our lives, then, believe it or not, we don’t want to kill him! Funny how that works!

This statement is not worthy of analysis since its premises have already been refuted above.

2. The majority of Americans — the ones who never elected you — are not fooled by your weapons of mass distraction.

Yes, ha ha, that’s very clever. Don’t change the subject.

We know what the real issues are that affect our daily lives — and none of them begin with I or end in Q.

A lot of them do start with T and end with M, however.

Here’s what threatens us: two and a half million jobs lost since you took office

1,507,000, actually, according to the House’s own website. And everybody knows that the President has little if any direct influence over the economy.

the stock market having become a cruel joke, no one knowing if their retirement funds are going to be there

Long-term investment funds are performing more or less normally. Anyone who has the bulk of their retirement in volatile stocks is a fucking moron anyway.

gas now costs almost two dollars — the list goes on and on.

Iraq supplies about 5% of the total oil in the world. In the world, Mike. And most of it doesn’t go to us anyway. Guess where it does go? That’s right. France.

Actually the price of oil fell yesterday and will probably continue to drop. Also, it isn’t the Iraq situation that’s causing that, as we get basically none of our oil from there. It’s the 2 month strike in the industry in Venezuela, from where we get about 1/5th of our oil. Funny how that doesn’t get much news coverage.

Bombing Iraq will not make any of this go away. Only you need to go away for things to improve.

I don’t think anyone has suggested that liberating Iraq will magically solve everyone’s problems and turn the world into the end of a Disney movie.

3. As Bill Maher said last week, how bad do you have to suck to lose a popularity contest with Saddam Hussein?

That is not an argument. It is the opinion of one person, and not even a funny joke at that.

The whole world is against you, Mr. Bush. Count your fellow Americans among them.

Don’t presume to speak for me, Mike.

Last time I checked we had 45 countries on our side. And if all Americans really were against the war, wouldn’t that include the military forces that are fighting it so professionally? Wouldn’t that include all the people I see flying flags on their cars? Wouldn’t that include all the people I see showing up at pro-liberation demonstrations?

4. The Pope has said this war is wrong, that it is a SIN. The Pope!

And you, king of the liberal leftist spin-masters, have suddenly found religion? Since when do you give Christianity the time of day?

UPDATE: It has since been pointed out to me that Moore is in fact a Catholic. to that I can only remark: How do Catholicism and Marxism go together?

But even worse, the Dixie Chicks have now come out against you! How bad does it have to get before you realize that you are an army of one on this war?

It’s right here that I start to doubt that this is a real letter from Michael Moore and that instead it’s an article in the Onion someone hijacked and posted on Moore’s website.

Of course, this is a war you personally won’t have to fight. Just like when you went AWOL while the poor were shipped to Vietnam in your place.

Bush did not go AWOL. He signed up for the Texas Air National Guard and was given the chance to serve his term at a base in Texas. Many people took advantage of this, not just him, to avoid going to the war zone in Vietnam. This is not dishonorable, as the Vietnam war was a war fought without goal, without real purpose, and with much interference from the presidential administration.

As to “the poor” sent in his “place”:

88.4% in Vietnam were caucasian (includes Hispanics)
10.6% were black.
1% were asian,polynesian americans, American Indian,Native Pacific Islanders,etc.

86.3% of deaths were caucasian.
12.5% were black.
1.2% asian, polynesian, Indian,etc.

86.8% of deaths by hostile action were caucasian.
12.1% were black,
1.1% were asian, polynesian, Indian,etc.

34% of blacks who enlisted volunteered for the combat arms.

12.5% of the deaths in Vietnam were black, while the percentage of blacks of military age was 13.5% of the total population.


76% of the men sent to Vietnam were from lower middle/working class backgrounds.

Three-fourths had family incomes above the poverty level; 50% were from middle-income backgrounds.

Some 23% of Vietnam vets had fathers with professional, managerial or technical occupations.

79% of the men who served in Vietnam had a high school education or better when they entered the military service. (63% of Korean War vets and only 45% of WW2 vets had completed high school upon separation.)

Your statement about the “poor” fighting in Vietnam is just one of many myths perpetrated by people like you.

5. Of the 535 members of Congress, only ONE (Sen. Johnson of South Dakota) has an enlisted son or daughter in the armed forces!

Irrelevant. Also an outright lie. Several Reps and one Senator have children in the military. They include:

Rep. Marilyn Musgrave, R-Colo.
Sen. Tim Johnson, D-S.C.
Rep. Ed Schrock, R-Va.
Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C. (still in the National Guard and a Gulf War Veteran)
Rep. John Kline, R-Minn.
Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-Calif.
Rep. Todd Akin, R-Mo.

And that’s even leaving out the Reps and Senators who are themselves either military vets or still active in the military.

If you really want to stand up for America, please send your twin daughters over to Kuwait right now and let them don their chemical warfare suits. And let’s see every member of Congress with a child of military age also sacrifice their kids for this war effort. What’s that you say? You don’t THINK so? Well, hey, guess what — we don’t think so either!

You’re advocating slavery now? Forcing one’s children to go fight in a military force that is volunteer only? If they’re adults you can’t make them anyway, and if they’re minors I think that’s sort of illegal. I think if they wanted to, they would have.

6. Finally, we love France. Yes, they have pulled some royal screw-ups. Yes, some of them can be pretty damn annoying. But have you forgotten we wouldn’t even have this country known as America if it weren’t for the French? That it was their help in the Revolutionary War that won it for us? That our greatest thinkers and founding fathers — Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, etc. — spent many years in Paris where they refined the concepts that lead to our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution? That it was France who gave us our Statue of Liberty, a Frenchman who built the Chevrolet, and a pair of French brothers who invented the movies?

Yeah. And?

Besides, France didn’t win the Revolutionary War for us. The Battle of Yorktown was pivotal, yes, but it seems to me like there were some other people who played a major role in our revolution. People like, oh, General George Washington.

And now they are doing what only a good friend can do — tell you the truth about yourself, straight, no b.s. Quit pissing on the French and thank them for getting it right for once. You know, you really should have traveled more (like once) before you took over. Your ignorance of the world has not only made you look stupid, it has painted you into a corner you can’t get out of.

And like any self-respecting individual, we are not allowing blind loyalty to deter us from doing what we know is right.

Well, cheer up — there IS good news. If you do go through with this war, more than likely it will be over soon because I’m guessing there aren’t a lot of Iraqis willing to lay down their lives to protect Saddam Hussein.

I’m sure that would delight Bush tremendously. Aren’t you happy? You don’t sound it.

After you “win” the war, you will enjoy a huge bump in the popularity polls as everyone loves a winner — and who doesn’t like to see a good ass-whoopin’ every now and then (especially when it ‘s some third world ass!). So try your best to ride this victory all the way to next year’s election. Of course, that’s still a long ways away, so we’ll all get to have a good hardy-har-har while we watch the economy sink even further down the toilet!

The true winners of this war will be the Iraqi people. And that’s all that really matters. Whether we get thanked for it or not, they will be free of Saddam Hussein.

But, hey, who knows — maybe you’ll find Osama a few days before the election! See, start thinking like THAT! Keep hope alive! Kill Iraqis — they got our oil!!

Actually they’ve got France’s oil. Why do you think Chirac is so ticked off. ๐Ÿ™‚

2 Responses to “Michael Moore, Crank (repost)”
  1. Eric says:

    Fantastic and do please sned me mailed versions of that and ht eprevious entry to put on my site when is eventually done!

  2. Anna says:

    Actually, I think YOU are an idiot. Anyone who actually has ANY respect for “W” needs to have their heads checked.
    Michael Moore tells it like it is…I guess nobody likes being called on their sh-t.

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